For magnificent midwives, Motrin, malaise, milkshakes and mastitis.
B cluster nursed from 8-3 last night. Then passed out. He slept 4 hours. He’s never gone that long. Left side rock hard and painful spot when I woke up- probably a clogged duct. No worries I thought. I know what to do.
How to deal with this in a few simple steps.
1. Freak out and text your breastfeeding friends as soon as you notice it when you wake up.
2. Pump for donation more than you usually do while doing massages.
3. Nurse baby like your normally do while massaging it.
4. Take a really warm bath and hand express while dangling boob in the hot water. Text your friends the video of how your boob looks like a smoking volcano when hand expressing under water.
5. Take Motrin.
6. Go to a birthday party that your daughter was invited to- but leave early and tell her mom why- she’s a pregnant breastfeeder and understands.
7. Dangle nurse.
8. Text your friends an update.
9. Do a lymphatic massage with coconut oil.
10. Ice
11. Decide that bodies need rest to heal and take a nap.
12. Wake up from nap feeling worse. Nausea. Pain radiating to arm. Feeling like you got hit by the flu truck. Awful headache.
13. Take Tylenol.
14. Text friends an update.
15. You told your daughter you’d go get ice cream earlier today but you feel like shit- so now you try to convince her it will be a special ice cream trip with her other mother all to herself. Chaos ensues while trying to dress said toddler.
16. More ice
17. More dangle/force feeding your infant
18. Cry
19. Realize this is bad and getting worse by the hour.
20. Call the midwife on call and pray it’s not Ashli because she’s always on call when you have a problem and probably thinks you’re crazy.
21. Oh thank god it’s Ann.
22. Fuck. All the pharmacies are closed.
23. Found a 24 hour CVS no where near our house.
24. Send wife to get antibiotics.
25. Cry
26. Eat ice cream and pizza.
27. Send her a text asking if she’d get some sprite. And a milkshake. Cause. I sickie.
28. Turn on HGTV. Chip, Jo & shiplap always makes things better.
29. Is it time for more Motrin?
30. Cry
HatchedBy2Chicks.com 